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So, you’ve taken the plunge and signed up to an internet dating website. You have joined countless other singles using a successful method of meeting a potential partner. But, have you joined the right one?
Many general dating websites use extensive questionnaires in order to match people with others they consider to be similar. The theory is that if you have enough ‘tick boxes’ checked, you will get along. Unfortunately, as you may have found, this isn’t a recipe for a meaningful connection.
Like any other consumer decisions, when it comes to choosing a dating agency we are spoilt for choice. Many people believe that joining a dating agency that boasts ‘millions’ of members automatically increases their chances of finding a suitable date. Certainly, there will be lots of choice. But, the reality of connecting with someone you have something in common with is less easy.
If you have found that endless questions on lifestyle habits and a ‘high percentage match’ did not lead to the soulful romantic encounter you were hoping for, you are not alone. It isn’t time to give up but it is time you re-evaluate your original choice.
First of all, if you’re disheartened and disappointed with your experience so far, don’t be tempted to join other general dating sites. This is simply repeating the same exercise in the belief that more people equates with a higher likelihood of finding that special someone. A survey last year found that 70% of people using internet dating belonged to at least 3 different dating websites, suggesting that they were unhappy with their initial choices and still searching for that elusive mate.
Up till now you have been relying on chance. What you need are realistic opportunities.
Consider for a moment another important life decision and how you might go about it. Let’s say you wanted to buy a new apartment, with specific requirements, in a particular location. Say, a waterside apartment. You might decide in the first instance to contact a real estate company. They may have lots of property for sale but do they have the one you are looking for? You could sign up with several agencies in the hope that one will contact you with details of the fabulous waterside property of your dreams. But, as anyone who’s ever tried this knows, you’re quite likely to be taking telephone calls that go along the lines of ‘this one seems perfect for you in every way, it just isn’t by the waterside’. You might never find your dream home.
What if you contacted a company who specialised in waterside properties? You would be eliminating the element of chance and replacing it with a realistic chance of achieving your dream.
The same principle applies to internet dating. Unlike general dating sites, niche dating sites reduce the element of chance. Lifestyle habits may be important but you need a solid bond to make a life partner. Niche dating sites recognise this and focus on specific needs and interests. You will have specific ideas about the person you would like to meet. All you need to do now is decide where you are most likely to meet them.
Popular choices are websites for professionals in certain industries, where you share a common ground in your work, and interest-based sites, where, for example, you share a love of the same music. It is from this common ground that you will meet someone you really connect with.
Members of niche dating sites also report that they find it easier to make the first contact when they know they already have something in common. We all know how difficult making the first move can be, imagine feeling confident enough to initiate a conversation!
Do you think you’ve joined the right dating website? Take a little time out to think about it and see what’s out there. Thousands of happy couples meet this way and you could be one of them. You just need to increase your chances and find the right one for you!
Claire Gaskin is a social researcher and co-founder of two successful online dating sites: http://www.music-mate.com and http://www.fetish-mate.com
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